Morning

It's 5 Min Friday again. This time the prompt is morning.

.

I am not a real morning person. Even though I go to bed early and have to wake up early. Mostly I sleep about 8 hours and that just about 1 or 2 hours too short for me. I need lots of sleep I guess and no matter in trying to train myself every time a little less sleep, it never works and I am only feeling bad, worse, worst.
I am a breakfast person though, I never really can get going without breakfast. Mostly it's only bread with first a cup of tea and later some coffee if I have enough time. Because mornings are mostly full of rush and hurry up, or at least in the world in which I live in. And I am not that quick in the morning.
Mornings also mean a fresh new start of the day. A new start to give your life and your thoughts and your ways a boost. An opportunity to forget yesterday and all it's troubles and to start over at the fresh clean sheet. Mornings are like pieces of white paper; clean, fresh, not written on, full of endless possibilities. It is your choice what you write down; negative of positive things. It has a big impact on you, how you feel, how you ARE, who is YOU.

I have to confess I only wanted to upload 5 min Friday  when I had a good photo to go with it, so I quickly took some shots for breakfast. I didn't have much to add more texture or color into it, but this one I liked a lot. So guess I also use the prompts to be creative in image not only writing.

* Forget or Remember *

How can I forget you when my world is breaking down. You're all I have, 

you're all I want.... Those are the first words that come to my mind when 

I read the word Forget. It's a song by Abba 

sung by Agnetha Faltskog and it's one of my favorites.

At this moment I don't know if I want to forget about him and all my 

memories I have of him or if I want to remember all that we had and did 

and hang to it for dear life. I am at the a crossroad. One moment I want to 

relish in the memories of happier days together and the next I am totally 

pissed at him for being such an asshole and throwing away all the good 

we had. Also the bad, but hey it cannot all be moons and roses. That's life 

together as well. 

Remembering means holding on and sometimes holding on to something is 

more hurting than letting go. Holding on to someone who doesn't love you 

is useless. The act of loving it self isn't useless, it's the most precious 

emotion people can feel and express. What brings joy and makes you feel 

alive in every small part of you body.

Forgetting means moving forward with my life and my head knows it's the 

best thing to do, if he wants he will return. If not it's simply not meant to be. 

I also read that even if you want something really badly you still don't get it, 

because something better is waiting for you. 

So that's something good and positive to focus on. Let's keep on doing that.


My entry for this weeks 5 min Friday; write for 5 minutes, no editing. 

* Limit - 5 min Friday *

This week's prompt for 5 min Friday is limit.

I have limited myself in believing very firmly in what I can do and can't do. And I want to stop that. I want to believe there is no limit in what I can achieve in life if I really want to. The truth is if you believe you can you are half way there. There is so much to do so much to learn. There is enough for everybody to do to share to enjoy. There is no need to limit yourself by comparing to others. Okay, you may not be there yet, but that's also ok. Growing is a proces an ongoing proces. Just keep an open mind, try something new, put your fears behind you. Believe in yourself, don't let other people's opions or negative gossip or anything else put you down. Keep trying, keep growing. Even the tiniest step you make is still progress...

While on the other hand, I keep giving people everything I can and can do. Never put myself first. I have stepped over my line, my limit all to often. This is part of me and who I am, but I don't want to keeping doing this because it's not healthy for myself. I have to take care of me first, than others come.

* focussing on the positive *

Again Friday came and went away, I had no time to write the previous week for 5 min friday. So I am writing it now.

Go:

Focus on the best part of your life instead of the worst. Everything you give your attention grows. If you focus to much on the parts in your life you don't like it will go in power and strength until it overwelms you. Try instead to focus on everything you love, everything that makes you smile. Even if it's as small as a morning coffee, birds whistling, the smell of fresh mown grass. Currently I am working hard on to following my own advise. I will admit it's not Always easy, but as goes with everything practise makes perfect. But who needs perfect anyway?

The other part of focussing is the meaning it gives to me for photography. Aim the camera, focus and push and the click resonates in the air.
Slowly I am trying my hand at it. I have loved it in the past. Hopefully not everything has died along with the depression. But I am still not feeling it. It gives no pleasure like before. I don't fall in love with a photo I took like I used to before. But as with everything, time heals. Just keep trying, push yourself forward but all with in reason and what feels ok. Not good, not perfect, not bliss, but OK the rest will come in sweet time.

* Quiet *

Again it's Five Minute Friday time! I checked the promp on Twitter Thursday already so I had some more time to think on it and plan my photo around the them. Now is the case that this photo is in my head for weeks already, so it was about high time to get this shot.

 

So here goes:

I am and have Always been a quiet person. An introvert, not staying in the front row. Not much of a talker either. I leave that to other persons, mostly much better at it than me. I like the quiet, the still, the time alone with my own thinking and wondering. Enjoying music, enjoying a good read, enjoying still life photography, enjoying walks or bike rides, enjoying breathing in the Woods, enjoying nature and flowers, enjoying surfing the internet and reading and learning new things. It's amazing.
Quiet doesn't mean boring, or alone or lonesome. The quiet is bringing peace to mind and soul. Time to recharge the batteries again. So you can go about into the world with energy.
Now being ill, I am definitively planning more quiet me time. Simply because I need it and do better on it.

I start to enjoy this weekly writing. Still struggling to find words and text and fill the 5 minutes. But keep on trying :)

* present *

This week for 5 min Friday the word is present.

Here is my take at it.

The first what comes to my mind with present is the saying, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. And that is how I want to look at life again. I want to feel happy again. Taking everyday as it comes. Not worrying. Leaving things to God, knowing it all will work out for the best. Everything happens for a reason, was Always my mantra and I need to believe and want to believe that again. There is a plan for me waiting to fold itself out.
And I also want to be present in my own life again. Trying to enjoy the small things. Doing the things I liked before I got ill with depression. I can beat it. I know I can. Yes, I need medication, yes I need help, but in they end it's ME who is taking care of it.
Being present at work. Trying to get engaged in matters again. Living in the now.
Being present for friends again. Talk to them, enjoying time together instead of complaining.
Being present in my heart. My heart filled with love.


I notice I find it hard and difficult to write. I know what I want to say but the words keep silent within my head. Something to work on....

* 5 min friday - TIME *

 

Now, the time has come, we are apart. And it's breaking my heart. Yet I knew this day was about to come for some time now, and I am happy you said it now. Time will heal wounds they say. I guess I have all the time of the world now to figure out if that is true or not. Time will pass anyway. Saying goodbyes is not something I am very good at. In fact I have been holding on to you to us for far too long because I couldn't say goodbye. Memories are also now part of the time. Our time together. I will cherish them, there are good memories. There are bad memories There are memories of those in between. It's life, we both have to move on. Nothing lasts forever it seems nowadaysk or at least that's the way it feels to me. And that is making me really sad.

* First *

 

The first tulips of this year. Hope there will be many more. It's not the first photo's I am taking this year, but I am hoping that when I keep taking photo's I will come to enjoy it more like I did before I came ill. It's the end of the first week of the first month of 2016 and it's been a very bad week. My body is failing me and I don't know how to turn it around. But the first thing I need to do is start believing, really truly believing that all will be good again. Have faith. Becoming sick didn't happen over night so healing will take time as well.
Trust
Believe
Keeping going
Fighting
It's been the first migraine of this year. Working hard so that it's the last one.
By dringing ginger tea
start taking magnesium tablets 1 week before the period starts
Relaxing trying to minimize stress as much as possible
trying to sleep well
First... also means new beginnings...

* Encouragement *

Now and then everybody needs some encouragement because life can be hard sometimes. That's also the reason why people forget about it. Because life is hard and they have their own problems to take care off. There are always 2 parts to balance it out. Light and dark, day and night, ebb and high tide, ying and yang, black and white. There are always contradictions. That's part of life. Sometimes the bad looks so much heavier than the bright side. you would forget that there is and always will come light when the days are dark. You only have to trust, keep positive. Try to smile even when you cannot. See the love in the things around you that will touch your heart and make you feel better when you let them. If only you let them. There is music, there is song, there is a good book, a favorite tv show, the birds singing, a joke from a friend, a text on your phone with a happy face, a stunningly beautiful photograph, a good plate of yummy and healthy food. It's difficult to keep going when there are no people around to encourage you, but never forget you have the courage in your own mind, body and soul. It is never completely dark. never.


edit
Again unable to leave a comment @ http://sharybary.wordpress.com/2014/01/19/five-minute-friday-encouragement/
so here goes:
Give what you need sounds true, but than there’s is that little voice again… It can be difficult to trust and keep going.
Thank you for your words

* 5 min friday - listen *

Lying on my back in the grass. Staring up at the sky. I don't think about the effects this will have on my hayfever. I am relaxing in the green, eyes at the sky and I get that strange feeling in my tummy again. Just like I did when I was a kid. After awhile I slowly close my eyes and feel my heart beat. Listening to my own thoughts spinning through my mind like mad house. What needs to be done, groceries, cleaning, going to library, did I record my favorite series yesterday? What will I make for dinner this evening? When was that dentist appointment again? Slowly my mind drifts off and slowly goes silent...
The sounds I didn't heard before because I was too busy with my daily thoughts and things-to-do, are drifting around and floating in the air. Cars passing by, kids screaming with fun, neighbours talking, birds chirping, different birds different chirping, bees buzzing.
I can smell the summer air, feel the grass caressing my arms. My hearbeat slows down and I smile..

* 5 min friday - fall *

Fall.... I am in a free fall at this moment. Letting it all go, memories as they come and go. Mesmorized by something silly. Staring out the window, seeing, actually seeing the grass ripple by the hard summer winds that are currently blowing. Squeezing my eyes shut against the vibrant sun, yet still I cannot only feel the suns warmth on my face but also seeping through my eyelashes. It is simply not possible to shut out the sun. No matter how dark you think it is, or you are feeling, the sun will rise again. Just let it all go an float through you like a never ending river. The water will rinse you clean. Clean of the past's negative thoughts. Seeing and feeling my own soul reaching for the surface after falling down deep down in my heart. Yet it's still there. It never was gone. Never completely gone. I can feel my true soul and my self climbing upwards again to meet the sun.

Edit:
I cannot leave my reaction at thesusanblog (http://thesusanblog.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/five-minute-friday-soon-fall-away/); so here goes:
life is a never ending race of stuff which needs to be done. That is so true and life these days only seems to get faster and faster. Hope you will find the time you need to rejoice in the lord and be close. thanks for sharing your inspirational thoughts.

I have read so many 5 min text which I would love to comment but there isn't an option available for me to log in. So I want to thank you all for sharing your stories here.

* View *

I want to change my view of the world, change my view of life. No more stressing no more negative energy flowing out of me. My new view of the world of living is a one vibrant with colors, shining in the early morning glow, screaming with chances, overflowing with challenges. All mine for the taking. Taking it one by one, step by step. Widening my view around me. There are so many beautiful things to see. So much fun to have. Let the sunshine in... let the sunshine in. Closing my eyes for negative things and vibes and feelings that always seem to seep through me, in my bones, in my thoughts. They are not mine they are from others. Let them keep the negative stuff. I want to fill my head, my heart with song, fun, love and positive energy. I want to keep my own view of the world and my life and what is happening...

* comfort *

All my life i have lived in my own comfort zone, safe. Nothing to stress me out. I felt comforted in my own house, my own life, by myself. Yet it seemed to become more of a less comforting feeling because of changes in my life. I need to go out and do things, go places, see people. Go out and about. Simply enjoying life more expresively. Stepping out of my comfort zone. Even though you want it, it is difficult to do. Yet I can pull strenght out of myself. I have done already so much out of my comfort zone. 
Specially since someone entered my life and without him knowing it, he turned it upside down. I have never been so much at ease, at comfort with myself. His present and his words and his actions have given me more confidence in myself. I am good who i am. I can do more than I think. I don't have to be negative about myself. I can find comfort in life and in other people and things around me. I just have to trust in myself. Accept myself. Be at ease with  myself and feel comfort  in my own skin and in my mind and head and thinking.
I can do it. Even if he is stepping out of my life I still need to keep that feeling of comfort being me.

* 5 min friday *

jump... i have jumped this year, i have jumped into something deeper and it became more powerful than i ever dreamed it could be. It was a big leap of faith and now i have to keep on holding tight of hopes that my jump wasnt a jump too far, too deep, so out of my reach.
Even if I will fall into a big black hole, i will never regret that i took the jump. the jump into something new, something powerfull, something called trust and love. I have learned so much about life, about me since i took that jump. not all is positive also some negative things about myself but yet i learned valuable lessons which i will carry with me the rest of my life. the positive is i learned i could do stuff i always thought i was too scared for, too shy, too afraid of me and my emotions, too afraid of the world and people who live in it who have hurt me over and over in the past. yet I took the jump and found the trust in someone else. trust and love and care and all because i took a jump i always though i would never ever take. it gives me hope and trust in the future that maybe one day i will find someone again who i can jump with...

Edit:
unable to leave comment here:
http://ourhighwayfive.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/jump/
(no wordpress account)
 So I leave it here:
So very true. Specially your last words really spoke to me. Thanks for sharing.

* 5 min friday - dive *

Here goes:

DIVE

I hate swimming so I never really dive. I am also very carefully in daily live, I hardly ever dive into something without thinking it through. Only one time I made a rush descision and regretted it for a very long period afterward.
Lately, however, I start to think that it might be the right time for me to make a change. Not over think everything or at least not for a very long time. Maybe I should really try diving into life more. If I stay too much in my own comfortzone, less opportunities will pop up. And since I have been facing death more often in the last few years, you get to realize that life isn't forever. Shouldn't I take the very best out of it?
Dive in to one of my long life dreams and make it come true or at the very least work on it so I know I did everything I could... Stuff to think about...

* 5 min friday *

Opportunity

It's the new year its 2013 and that gives opportunity to make changes in your life. Do new things, or pick up old hobbies and try again to keep them up. Not for a day or a week but at least for a year or for a life time. Even better.
This year I want to take the opportunity to become again more creative. It's in me and I need to let it out because it will make me so much happier. Why do I use excuses like no time and to busy. Put my shoulders underneath and get moving.
I want to start designing in illustartor, I want to take more and better photo's. I want to pick up writing again. I want to take up blogging again. I want to get more scrapwork done. I want to keep up Project 52.
I really enjoy the new year already because I started well. I am enthousiastic en energetic. I worked on photography already and revised my blog a little. Again starting with 5 min friday. Again starting with Texture Tuesday.
Good intensions go a long way. Now I have to keep them up again :)

Edit: I was unable to leave comment at the previous entry (http://cuoreq.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/5-minute-friday-opportunity-2/)
since I don't have one of the accounts to login; so here my comment:
moved by your words which come straight from your heart. Hoping you will grow with the love of God like the seeds have grown with water and love.

5 Min Friday

Been a long time since I played along, well here goes



Beyond my outside which I like to be as tough as can be, lies a sweet soft caring person. A person who will always care for other people, who will mostly be used by other people.
Beyond my outside shell, which I have built around me, lies a person who wants to be loved and liked just like everybody else does.
Beyond my hopes and expections and dreams, I hope and dream mostly about being accepted as I am.
But beyond that I am a fighter and will always be.
Why can't people see beyond their own values and let go of their thoughts about right and wrong, about what can be accepted and what not?
Beyond this world, there is another world for me and people like me. :)

* 5 min friday *

It's been awhile, guess life kept me busy, but here I go again:

Older.
Funny thing because my birthday was just a couple of weeks ago. 33 already. Time flies. But I guess I like being older. I am much comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 or 15 years ago. With time and age come wisdom, they say and that is true. I value myself more than back then.
The other side is, I can also notice at my body I am getting older. I have more grey in my hair (thank god it's not so visable yet, but those days will come as well) I have more wrinkles when I smile now. But those I treasure, because it tells me no matter what happened in my life, I still had fun and it gives strength to face what ever comes your way.
I have gained some pounds and those are there to stay i think because over time I have found it harder to loose some extra gained weight after holidays again.
That's all part of the plan of changing and evolving when time passes. Inside is to treasure, the outside will become of less importance.
But never under estimate a good cleaning routine, a good day and night creme for your age and lots of sleep :)

* 5 min friday *

I am very late with my 5 min friday, it's almost friday again. But I had doubts about posting this story, but decided to post anyway because is very important in my life right now and I want to be able to read it back.

Recently I have been thinking about loss quite a bit, I might want to say I over think it, its in my mind on a daily basis. And there is a reason for that. In my direct surroundings I have been facing death more often than I have ever been used too. When I was about 13 years old my grandad died and that was terrible. I was heartbroken and cried a lot. But after that, I haven't been faced with dead again until now, almost 20 years later. That fact makes me happy because losing someone is terrible & devasting & hard to describe or put in words, so not facing this again is a true blessing.
But it also makes me worry now because my mom is becoming older and even though I want it, she will not live for ever. I will be without close relatives when she is gone. No one to visit, to go over and chat and discuss problems with. It makes me wonder if I made the right choices in my life.
The funny thing is that just they other day, someone told me; never to question or doubt your decisions. If they are not the right ones, just make a new deciscion. It is very true... But sometimes it's hard to let go of the old...

* 5 min friday: grateful *

Grateful... I think there is a lot I should be grateful for but in the midst of life, choas, stress, work, daily business and my surroundings you easily forget. I easily forget that I have a lot in my life to be grateful for. Even the simplest basics like a home, food, clothing, a shelter, a mom; it is not natural to everyone but I have it and for that I am grateful.
I have a job, I don't always like it. I can be hectic and stressful and so on, but I do have a steady job and in the world of today that is not something natural, and for that I am grateful.

My heavy headaches and migraines are not so often as in the past, and for that am really grateful. Only when I have a headache/migraine attach I know what it's like that so many days I am feeling good and don't appreciate it enough.
There are many things in life which I wish I could do, but I can't do. But I really should learn to see things differently, there also so many things I can do which are naturally to me and I take them all for granted, but really it is something to be grateful for. Taking walks, riding my bike, go shopping IRL or online, enjoying music, singing, acting silly, photography, photoshopping, blogging. When you look around you and see, really see, there is really so much in my life which I am grateful for.